“I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a manic depressive.”

“Bipolar depression really got my life off track, but today I’m proud to say I am living proof that someone can live, love, and be well with bipolar disorder when they get the education, support and treatment they need.”

“There are two ends of the spectrum — you can get extremely depressed and dark and lose interest in the things you love to do, then you can get super manic… I was at the hypomanic side of the spectrum on and off for a long period, but generally you can only last at that end for around three months before you hit rock bottom and go down into depression… During a hypomanic episode, people, including those in the arts, may be highly productive, confident and function well, with the ideas and motivation pouring out of them. But with severe episodes of mania or depression, a person can also have psychotic symptoms, such as hallucinations, delusions or paranoia.”

“Last week I probably slept an average of two hours a night. I couldn’t stop thinking. My body was exhausted, and my mind was still going.”

“I’m one of the most sensitive human beings on Earth – and I know it.”

“There is a particular kind of pain, elation, loneliness, and terror involved in this kind of madness. When you’re high it’s tremendous. The ideas and feelings are fast and frequent like shooting stars….But, somewhere, this changes. The fast ideas are far too fast, and there are far too many; overwhelming confusion replaces clarity. Everything previously moving with the grain is now against – you are irritable, angry, frightened, uncontrollable… I have often asked myself whether, given the choice, I would choose to have manic-depressive illness. If lithium were not available to me, or didn’t work for me, the answer would be a simple no… and it would be an answer laced with terror. But lithium does work for me, and therefore I can afford to pose the question. Strangely enough, I think I would choose to have it. It’s complicated… I compare myself with my former self, not with others. Not only that, I tend to compare my current self with the best I have been, which is when I have been mildly manic. When I am my present “normal” self, I am far removed from when I have been my liveliest, most productive, most intense, most outgoing and effervescent. In sort, for myself, I am a hard act to follow.”

“The fact that people break down and cry when confronted with my pictures shows that I can communicate those basic human emotions.. the people who weep before my pictures are having the same religious experience I had when painting them. And if you say you are moved only by their colour relationships then you miss the point… You’ve got sadness in you, I’ve got sadness in me – and my works of art are places where the two sadness’s can meet, and therefore both of us need to feel less sad.”

“I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless  and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that… If you’re that depressed, reach out to someone. And remember, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.”

“I put my heart and my soul into my work, and have lost my mind in the process… The heart of man is very much like the sea, it has its storms, it has its tides, and, in its depths,  it has its pearls too… Art is to console those who are broken by life… One must never let the fire go out in one’s soul, but keep it burning…”

“So, when I was 24, someone suggested to me that I was bipolar, and I thought that was ridiculous. I just thought he was trying to get out of treating me. But he was also responding to the chaotic nature of my life… I overdosed at 28, at which point I began to accept the bipolar diagnosis… Now I’m fine, but I’m bipolar. I’m on seven medications, and I take medication three times a day. This constantly puts me in touch with the illness I have. I’m never quite allowed to be free of that for a day. It’s like being a diabetic… I don’t want to be caught … ashamed of anything. And because generally someone who has bipolar doesn’t have just bipolar, they have bipolar, and they have a life and a job and a kid and a hat and parents, so it’s not your overriding identity, it’s just something that you have, but not the only thing – even if it’s quite a big thing… Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It’s a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life.”

“I was walking along the road with two of my friends. Then the sun set. The sky suddenly turned into blood, and I felt something akin to a touch of melancholy. I stood still, leaned against the railing, dead tired. Above the blue-black fjord and city hung clouds of dripping, rippling blood. My  friends went on and again I stood, frightened with an open wound in my breast. A great scream pierced through nature.”

“Sometimes I have a very bad point of being too obnoxious. I am not too obnoxious. I mean, I just try to make things more peaceful. Me being obnoxious makes a lot of things more peaceful.”

“Manic depression: it tortures my soul. I know what I want, but I just don’t know how to go about getting it.”

[A manic episode is] “an amazingly brilliant time. You don’t need sleep. I think I existed on four hours sleep a night for four years. Sleep doesn’t seem necessary. You wake up feeling great. But it’s not all great feelings. A lot of the raging that I did I think was the manic part of my disorder. The capacity for fighting, war, taking everything on, taking too much on, overachieving and then raging because my system was so depleted. It was always all about me, when I would get that unwell. I would go into argumentative rages. But I suffered horribly… Exercise is an incredible key to feeling well. But for people with mental illness, taking care of the body is not an automatic thing. The mind is in such chaos it’s hard to come up with a plan. So to people like us, it’s more important than ever to follow a regimen.”

“I had a severe attack of depression – the pain was excruciating… I lost my desire to live … No desire for sex… Must take sleeping pills to sleep & yellow pills to go onstage… I was always tired but I could never sleep… Through these years I’ve wasted away to almost nothing – pretend you’re happy when you’re blue… Inside I’m screaming “someone help me,” but the sound isn’t audible – like screaming without a voice… Having as little to do with human beings as possible – in some weird way, I’m at peace… What kept me sane was knowing that things would change, and it was a question of keeping myself together until they did.”

“The point about manic depression or bipolar disorder, as it’s now more commonly called, is that it’s about mood swings. So, you have an elevated mood. When people think of manic depression, they only hear the word depression. They think one’s a depressive. The point is, one’s a manic-depressive.”

“My own brain is to me the most unaccountable of machinery – always buzzing, humming, soaring roaring diving, and then buried in mud. And why? What’s this passion for?”

“I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a manic depressive.”

“So, when I was 24, someone suggested to me that I was bipolar, and I thought that was ridiculous. I just thought he was trying to get out of treating me. But he was also responding to the chaotic nature of my life… I overdosed at 28, at which point I began to accept the bipolar diagnosis… Now I’m fine, but I’m bipolar. I’m on seven medications, and I take medication three times a day. This constantly puts me in touch with the illness I have. I’m never quite allowed to be free of that for a day. It’s like being a diabetic… I don’t want to be caught … ashamed of anything. And because generally someone who has bipolar doesn’t have just bipolar, they have bipolar, and they have a life and a job and a kid and a hat and parents, so it’s not your overriding identity, it’s just something that you have, but not the only thing – even if it’s quite a big thing… Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It’s a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life.”

“I’m not the kind of person who likes to shout out my personal issues from the rooftops, but with my bipolar becoming public, I hope fellow sufferers will know it’s completely controllable. I hope I can help remove any stigma attached to it, and that those who don’t have it under control will seek help with all that is available to treat it. If my revelation of having bipolar II has encouraged one person to seek help, then it is worth it. There is no need to suffer silently and there is no shame in seeking help.”

“Bipolar depression really got my life off track, but today I’m proud to say I am living proof that someone can live, love, and be well with bipolar disorder when they get the education, support and treatment they need.”

“There are two ends of the spectrum — you can get extremely depressed and dark and lose interest in the things you love to do, then you can get super manic… I was at the hypomanic side of the spectrum on and off for a long period, but generally you can only last at that end for around three months before you hit rock bottom and go down into depression… During a hypomanic episode, people, including those in the arts, may be highly productive, confident and function well, with the ideas and motivation pouring out of them. But with severe episodes of mania or depression, a person can also have psychotic symptoms, such as hallucinations, delusions or paranoia.”

“I was walking along the road with two of my friends. Then the sun set. The sky suddenly turned into blood, and I felt something akin to a touch of melancholy. I stood still, leaned against the railing, dead tired. Above the blue-black fjord and city hung clouds of dripping, rippling blood. My  friends went on and again I stood, frightened with an open wound in my breast. A great scream pierced through nature.”

“The thing about having bipolar disorder, for me, is that I’m really empathetic. I feel everything around me so much. I feel when I walk past a homeless person, and I feel when my friend breaks up with someone, or I feel when my mom and my dad get into a fight and my mom’s fuckin’ crying over dishes in the sink. I used to say to her all the time, like, ‘I hate this. I want to be naïve. I want to be worried about my prom dress. I want to be worried about getting my math homework done. I want to be like everyone else my age,’ and she would say, ‘Would you rather be blissfully ignorant, or would you rather be pained and aware?’ That was one of the things that’s kind of followed with me through my whole life. She’s encouraging of what I’m doing because she knows that even if sometimes I might be in pain, I’m aware.”

“Last week I probably slept an average of two hours a night. I couldn’t stop thinking. My body was exhausted, and my mind was still going.”

“Sometimes I have a very bad point of being too obnoxious. I am not too obnoxious. I mean, I just try to make things more peaceful. Me being obnoxious makes a lot of things more peaceful.”

“There are galaxies within the human mind, and madness wants to risk everything for the daring flight, reckless and beautiful and crazed. Everyone knows Icarus fell. But I love him for the fact that he dared to fly. Mania unfurls the invitation to fly too high, too near the sun.”

“Manic depression: it tortures my soul. I know what I want, but I just don’t know how to go about getting it.”

“I’m one of the most sensitive human beings on Earth – and I know it.”

“There is a particular kind of pain, elation, loneliness, and terror involved in this kind of madness. When you’re high it’s tremendous. The ideas and feelings are fast and frequent like shooting stars….But, somewhere, this changes. The fast ideas are far too fast, and there are far too many; overwhelming confusion replaces clarity. Everything previously moving with the grain is now against – you are irritable, angry, frightened, uncontrollable… I have often asked myself whether, given the choice, I would choose to have manic-depressive illness. If lithium were not available to me, or didn’t work for me, the answer would be a simple no… and it would be an answer laced with terror. But lithium does work for me, and therefore I can afford to pose the question. Strangely enough, I think I would choose to have it. It’s complicated… I compare myself with my former self, not with others. Not only that, I tend to compare my current self with the best I have been, which is when I have been mildly manic. When I am my present “normal” self, I am far removed from when I have been my liveliest, most productive, most intense, most outgoing and effervescent. In sort, for myself, I am a hard act to follow.”

“If my eyes could show my soul, everyone would cry when they saw me smile.”

[A manic episode is] “an amazingly brilliant time. You don’t need sleep. I think I existed on four hours sleep a night for four years. Sleep doesn’t seem necessary. You wake up feeling great. But it’s not all great feelings. A lot of the raging that I did I think was the manic part of my disorder. The capacity for fighting, war, taking everything on, taking too much on, overachieving and then raging because my system was so depleted. It was always all about me, when I would get that unwell. I would go into argumentative rages. But I suffered horribly… Exercise is an incredible key to feeling well. But for people with mental illness, taking care of the body is not an automatic thing. The mind is in such chaos it’s hard to come up with a plan. So to people like us, it’s more important than ever to follow a regimen.”